Mom Guilt Isn’t What You Think—Here’s Why

Mom guilt—it’s a feeling so many of us know all too well. But what if I told you that a lot of what we call “mom guilt” isn’t actually guilt at all?

Understanding the difference between true guilt and emotional responsibility can change the way you experience motherhood. Let’s unpack this together.

What Is True Guilt?

True guilt happens when we act out of alignment with our values—like losing patience with our kids or snapping at our partner. That kind of guilt is useful; it’s our inner compass nudging us to reflect, adjust, and course-correct.

But much of what we feel as “mom guilt” isn’t about our actions at all. Instead, it’s about taking on someone else’s feelings (like being inconvenienced) as our own.

Are You Carrying Guilt That’s Not Yours?

Imagine this: You ask your partner to wake up early with the kids so you can get some sleep. They’re tired, maybe even a little grumpy about it, and suddenly—you feel guilty.

But pause for a moment: Is this actually guilt, or are you absorbing their discomfort?

Yes, waking up early is inconvenient for them, and they’re allowed to feel that. But it’s not your job to carry that inconvenience as guilt.

Letting Others Feel Their Feelings Doesn’t Make You Selfish

Here’s the truth: when we set a boundary or ask for help, we often expect the other person to validate our request or agree enthusiastically. But the reality is, they may not love it—and that’s okay. (Let's be real, no one really wants to wake up early with the kids!)

If we expect people to have feelings about our boundaries, it won’t feel as triggering. Their reaction doesn’t mean we’ve done something wrong. In fact, their willingness to be inconvenienced but still show up for us is a sign of a strong, healthy relationship.

Why Giving Guilt Back Feels Uncomfortable

If this idea feels unfamiliar, you’re not alone. Many moms often put themselves in the position of being inconvenienced so others don't have to feel it. Sound familiar?

But here’s the reality: When you take care of yourself, you show your family that everyone’s needs matter—including yours. You model boundaries, self-respect, and emotional health. And when your needs are met, you’re better equipped to show up as the mom you want to be.

How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt

If you struggle with guilt when setting boundaries or asking for help, here’s a simple framework to make it easier:

The Key: Validate, Request, Allow for Feelings

1️⃣ Validate – Acknowledge the other person’s reality. (“I know you’ve been busy with work and juggling everything, and I know you’re tired too.”)

2️⃣ Make Your Request – Clearly state your need. (“And I really need some sleep. Could you wake up with the kids tomorrow morning?”)

3️⃣ Allow for Feelings – Recognize that they may not love it, and that’s okay. (“I get that you probably don’t want to do that either. It makes sense if that feels agitating or inconvenient.”)

When you set a boundary this way, you’re not dismissing their feelings—you’re simply not taking responsibility for them. And that’s a huge shift in breaking free from mom guilt.

If You’re Feeling Stuck, You’re Not Alone

If mom guilt—or exhaustion, resentment, or frustration—has been weighing on you, you don’t have to navigate it alone. As a Registered Clinical Counsellor, I help moms like you untangle the guilt, understand your needs, and build a home where both you and your children (and your relationship) can thrive!

Let’s work together to create more space for connection, balance, and joy in your life.

Book a Counselling Session Today

Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s essential. And it’s one of the most loving things you can do for your family. I'd love to connect with you if it feels aligned!

Warmly,

Meghan Marr, RCC, CCC, MACP

www.meghanmarr.com

📞 250-327-1688

🌿 Book Online Here